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Commentary for Boxing Shadow
This is the longest epic poem I have ever written with a total of 6110 words. But after you finished the 24 pages did it seem that long? I wrote it in one conscious thought, with 6110 sub conscious thoughts. I tried to write it so it is perceived by both states of your minds. I got the main themes from boxing, painting, gambling, womanizing and the 5 overdoses on alcohol mixed with heroin in the last 3 years. I still had all my faculties in tact. I got the name from shadow boxing witch is what we did warming up for a fight.
You are basically throwing punches in the air, not at anyone. So when I turned the name around it created a second character boxing shadow. This is my first theme the dance of violence.
I mention something about the dream dimension several times throughout the poem. To reflect on opiate induced visions or illusions. But everyone noes the only sense active in dreams is vision. My poem would be one big contradiction if this was the case, especially the boxing scenes witch I explained were really my 5 overdoses. So I overlapped 3 dimensions in the 5 rounds of boxing shadow. The 1st was my experiences of actually being there, in the boxing ring with the smells, sounds, tastes, how it felt physically & emotionally losing an up hill battle. This brought a realism aspect in to the story. The 2nd dimension I added was a visual this was over exaggerated to overlap the opiate induced visions. The 3rd dimension if overlapped was the oil painting that I intended to add a surreal twist by eluding the reader in to believing the whole story was a fragment of my imagination. In overlapping the 3 some could claim that’s all it really is, or a more diverse way to include 3 things I was active in my last 3 years of functioning with all my faculties letting me do all those things but individually. For its only logical that you cant do much let alone box or do a oil painting during a overdose. But it seemed like 2 other things I was involved with to best depict the toxic bloody mess I got myself in. It was a interesting way to include the addiction as well after I 1st introduce shadow in my 1st overdose in 1995. I used metaphors witch more often than not become an entire language in its own & usually get read over without understanding the deep meaning they possess. Like this key metaphor:
and every gambler knows the equation
of addictive equality
its just as addictive to lose as it is to win
so I swore vengeance
in the land of the living or the dead that we would box again
Ending the stanza with:
but I had to train
Leaving the reader curious if I died, how I introduce myself in the next round leans towards that. I actually had my 2nd overdose the same year & 3 in 1997 but I wanted to put the 4 together to blend in the loss of my 4 loves to my invincible ultra ego. My addictive personality who just kept coming back for more. Ironically in the 3 years I did train, did gain the 30 pounds & did weigh 189 pounds in the ring. That about sums up the dance of violence.
The game of chance.
This overlaps 5 dimensions. The 1st I include all the senses to give the reader a indication that I was really there, like I was in so many poker games in that 3 years. But I overlapped my visual ultra reality with hallucinations brought on by the drugs I spent 10 000 on that year. This overlapped the 3rd dimension. I was playing the game of chance where there was no chance to be won with a drug dealer that’s not revealed to the last draw. The 4th dimension overlapping the card game was the introduction to recollection to my dance with romance & at the end of each card stanza I mention I go to another dimension. The only dimension throughout the poem besides my stanzas in-between, my stanza on spiritual opinions & my closing stanza that I don't include the opiate induced visions. But before I elaborate more on that level of consciousness let me include the last dimension of the game of chance, the etching board, which makes it impossibly surreal to put a etching in motion. I liked that unrealistic aspect that’s why I used it instead of led sketches on white paper. As well in the opening stanza I elude the reader, that this might be a positive part of the story by removing the black witch the negative to let the white be seen witch is the positive. Opposite to using led on white pages you are covering the positive with the negative. That & the incognito dealer are two warped concepts to ponder over in the game of chance. The dances of romance opening with a double sided metaphor somewhere within the big apple. Now this could mean I was somewhere in New York , in witch I have never placed a foot in. Or I was somewhere within eating the forbidden fruit. I overlapped the most dimensions in the dances of romance for several reasons. The 1st is my ability to mix dreams and reality together without the drugs in all 4 reminiscences. As well my appreciation for the intangible beauty and elegance only a woman possesses. These 4 woman aren't fantasies or a means to stroke my ego. No these woman were my last memories of joy and beauty. They are all introduced with double dimension symbolic faces. The 1st is a queen in my hand of 4 suits & this opens up the second symbolic dimension the exhibit of larger than life paintings. To keep on the dream theme I jump to the paintings sporadically like a dream & suddenly find myself describing a symbolic painting of 4 exotic flowers that represent my 4 queens, my lovers with unseen metaphoric depth. The same beauty that the flowers have wilt like the mortal woman in time & it reflects that true love goes way beyond skin deep superficialities. For the one thing we cant stop is time & aging. I used these paintings of flowers to open up doors, windows of reminiscences to go in to that past dimension. Where I overlapped the earths elements all 5 senses, instruments, lovers their symbolic suits & their flowers. While I painted my loves, engaging the readers at the same time as if it was them I was painting. I did this to add the dream level of consciousness to flow with the rest of the poem & added strange metaphors to make the reader question if in fact that’s all this poem was, one big surreal story. How ever you can analyze the dances of romance, actually I invite you to. All I want to say is no all the meanings for dreams before you define it in all the levels of consciousness i've implicated in this poem. These 4 sections were my favorite to write for these reasons. I could suddenly change the emotions I went through in those 3 years in to joy by expressing the natural beauties I obviously took for granted. The earths elements, the instruments I used to play, the paintings I used to paint of majestic beauty. The fact I didn't have to use conversation or it would become to Shakespearian & lose its realism. Instead I used the 5 senses to best portray the flower & my appreciation for my lovers beautiful body language. Using my idealism to blend the card characteristics by writing them erotically as body parts. This allowed me to blend memories so vivid in to the scene before and after memories not so vivid by transforming plots in to metaphors, witch all comes together. At the end I lost not only my loves but I some what lost myself to king heroin. That’s my story of no heroes. I have written it in speeches & other epic poems, but nothing even comes close to this pieces diversity & depth. I wrote it without pausing for a second to think of the next line. It was like my sub conscious thought of the entire poem word for word when I wasn't writing. Only to consciously beat it out letter by letter without having it read back to me until the 6110th word was written & edited. Only one word was changed before I had it read back to me. With a greater understanding what most readers have no interest to understand, the hidden language of metaphors. For those of you who made it this far with my commentary to get my explanation go back & read it over absorbing the meaning of every single line & I guaranty each time you read it you will understand something between the lines. Behind the scenes & an elaboration on the 2 stanzas I left out in the commentary. I started this heeling journey November 1st in Ottawa Canada & wrote my 1st poem in this book January 1 st. Not only has it been a journey of reclamation, but its been a journey of spiritual growth on the deepest levels. I have had the opportunity to get the chance to be heeled by the best heelers in the world & at the same time get the guidance by angels & most accurately my spirit guide by the name of Tim. When this is all over I am going to write a book on the years experience witch abled me to walk home, with all the names that made this miracle happen.
Starting with god. |
